I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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