I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize