how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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