The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
