also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
