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is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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