I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
