We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
