So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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