Already got asked if we're dating
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
