do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
