The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
