when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
