Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
BRING THE BAGELS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize