Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
