I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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