Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
