I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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