Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
