YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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