she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
