mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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