I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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