just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
