Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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