We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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