He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
