And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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