At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
