Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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