Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
