Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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