I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
