Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize