Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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