don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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