I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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