Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
