C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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