Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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