i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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