He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize