I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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