Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
