I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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