what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize