I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
