sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
