sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
