last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
