I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
