did you get engaged???
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
