i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize