is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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