I just found puke in my bra..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
