Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
