I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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