May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
