You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
