Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
