I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
