i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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