i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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