just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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