So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
