Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
