surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
