I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i dont even know how to be here
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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