just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
