I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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