I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
