O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize