There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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