A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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