Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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