I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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