I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
