I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
