I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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