dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This baby is an asshole
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize