if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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