he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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