I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
