the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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