had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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