wat bout pragnant strippers??
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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