guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
