I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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