drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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