Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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