We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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