She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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