can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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