there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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