1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
