Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize