11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
