you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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