He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
