Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
