He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
