Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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