he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize