He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
