I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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