So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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