There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
