I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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