when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The struggles of a small town man whore
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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