my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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